Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
