didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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