nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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