You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
