Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
