Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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