And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
