gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
