But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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