just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
