I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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