I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
