watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
