Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
