Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
