i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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