SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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