i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
