It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
