If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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