Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
