im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
