im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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