remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
