you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
