Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
