Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
