i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
