I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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