i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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