Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize