This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so much tequila, so little girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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