i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're like the curious george of whores
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
