theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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