Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
