im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
