i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
