Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize