Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize