Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
