yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize