I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
