If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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