Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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