can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
