The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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