if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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