Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
