We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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