i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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