I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
