i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
