currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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