my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
