Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
