I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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