Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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