Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
