he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
