I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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