So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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