I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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