sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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