Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
