im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i think my cat just said my name.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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