I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
