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Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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