hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
